that's what i love about sundays...

I started my day by: being thankful that kyleigh actually got some decent sleep last night (which meant i did too!!). my goals for today: well, i'm supposed to go to christy's house and get the bouncer for kyleigh. hopefully she'll like that better than her swing? i wanted to go lay out, but that's not gonna happen. i also wanted to go shopping, but i don't think that's gonna happen either. soooo....it looks like all i have on my agenda today is laundry! and go to christy's house if kyleigh wakes up from her nap in a better mood. today i feel: bored. lonely. exhausted. extremely homesick. the funniest thing that happened today: ummm, nothing. i haven't left the house and charles wasn't awake very long after he got home from work. the most memorable thing that occured today: i was successful in putting kyleigh to sleep for a nap. i also downloaded a police scanner app on my phone. it's pretty amazing. the best part of my day: charles coming home to me. something i am looking forward to tomorrow: not much. charles has to work. maybe kyleigh and i will do some shopping tomorrow for memorial day?!

the journal prompt that i really want to do today is: 'list all of the people from your life, past and present, who push your emotional buttons or drive you crazy. what is going on right now that breaks your heart, makes you angry, or makes you feel powerless?' but, i made the mistake of posting the link to this on facebook and i will most likely offend people. i'm not in the mood for all that today so instead i'll do this prompt: 'list where you would go if you could go anywhere in the world. who would you take with you? what are your best memories of childhood fun?'

there are sooo many places i'd like to go!! i want to go to beautiful beaches like jamaica or cancun or the bahamas or greece! i think i'd choose somewhere in mexico because i'd love to just lay on a beach and forget my worries with a cold drink in my hand. i'd also choose somewhere in mexico because i know the food is good hahaha!! i would definitely bring kyleigh and charles with me!

best memories of childhood fun...oh, where would i start! i can definitely say i had a very entertaining childhood! i remember jessica and i made a "newspaper" company and used to type up "news stories" on the computer and jessica used to always "fire" me because of stupid stuff like my stories never being long enough or not having pictures or that they were just plain stupid. haha! we made an art club once and i was kicked out for "not being talented enough". we once tried to sell the art (we were definitely unsuccessful). we also set up a thing in our grandma's driveway to do face painting. we were obviously all about the money!! haha. tiana and jessica were so mean to me when we were kids, but it made for good memories haha! jessica used to sit in the back of our grandma's van and narrate stories of people walking by haha! jessica also once caught a bunch of butterflies and put them in a container because she swore she was gonna be able to breed them! i remember one afternoon me, tiana and jessica were walking home from school and jessica was looking at us while talking and totally smacked her head into someone's mailbox! and one afternoon my grandma picked us up from school and told us that her and my grandpa had bought a hot tub and we were all so excited to go see it when we got home! my grandma failed to mention that she had cleaned the glass on the sliding door prior to picking us up and so we come running into the house to go to the back porch to see the hot tub and jessica runs straight into the sliding door and busted her nose! her nose was bleeding and all we could do was laugh! we also used to play "lava monster" on the swing set in my grandma's backyard and we were laughing REALLY hard about something and jessica fell because she was laughing so hard and totally peed her pants! it was amazing! she had to go in and the only extra clothes that were at my grandma's house were a pair of my sweat pants so that's what jessica had to put on and they were like 6 sizes too small because jessica is about 7 feet tall and i'm about 3. haha! oh, i could go on forever!!!

so charles and kyleigh are sleeping and as hard as i tried to take a nap, i was unsuccessful. i was trying to entertain myself without making too much noise so i started browsing through the apps on my phone and came across a police scanner app! i thought it was gonna be fun, but it actually turns out to be kind of scary! when i first turned it on they were discussing whether or not pictures were necessary for the scene they were at! i got scared and changed it to a different location and now they are trying to get a woman in custody who locked herself in her house. she apparently got into an argument with someone and threw scissors at them! i thought it was going to be fun to be nosy, but it only just reminds me of how crazy people are! it also reminds me that these calls about these people are living in the area i'm living in!!! police and dispatchers really do say 10-4 in response to almost everything. i thought it was a myth. there's a whole list of codes that they use, they probably have cheat sheets in their cars.

i saw two girls yesterday walking through a parking lot slowly pointing in different directions and i could tell they were very confused. i parked, got out of my truck and started walking towards the store and the alarm of a car 3 cars away from the girls started going off. the car was on the other side of a big truck. they started laughing because it was their car.. haha!

kyleigh has started spitting up again. and crying. we had a very rough night last night and i have a feeling that tonight will only be a repeat...i think its colic? i want to take her to the dr tomorrow, but it's memorial day and she's restricted to only seeing drs on base so i'm sure they're closed tomorrow. she cried off and on for a good 5 hours last night, please let me get a break tonight :( i was unable to get a nap in. not even after trying to watch a stupid movie i rented. good thing it was free. i want to go for a walk, but it's so hot and sticky outside!i hate summers here. i REALLY hate summers here. i actually just hate the weather here period. (i also hate when kyleigh gets hiccups!!!) i hate feeling so helpless when kyleigh seems upset and i hate that when i've tried EVERYTHING i can possibly think of to make her feel better, charles isn't here for me to ask for more suggestions. people always say 'you can call me whenever you want', but do they really mean it? it's just like running into someone you haven't seen in years and telling them 'we should have lunch sometime'. i think those are expressions people say, but probably only about 40% of people actually mean it.

i miss cali. it hit me today just how homesick i am. :(

i am...

...too tired.

i may or may not have just written a book...

well, i failed at blogging yesterday. i'm hoping this picture will give me some motivation; it's not. looking at it reminds me that she's asleep and makes me want to go to sleep, haha! charles was off for 4 nights, and goes back to work tonight. i may regret not taking this opportunity for a nap.
until i get the hang of this blog thing and start to feel comfortabe actually expressing my feelings here, i am going to use prompts. i have a guided journal that i tried to write in everyday, but that didn't work out so well. i'm hoping this blog will work out better because i'll be able to receive encouragement. hopefully. paper doesn't talk to me and sometimes i need some words of encouragement. so, here goes:

i started my day by: being very thankful that charles got up with kyleigh and let me sleep! he's so good to me :) my goals for today: well, today is half over. my only goals were to get kyleigh enrolled with our insurance and to meet heather somewhere so she can meet kyleigh. i haven't accomplished the latter. today i feel: refreshed. amazed. relaxed. happy. in love. joyful. the funniest thing that happened today: i honestly don't even remember. charles and i were laying on the couch and i was laughing hysterically, but i have no clue what i was even laughing at? i remember him quoting a stupid commercial and i think that's what started it. then we laughed for a while about kyleigh's gas. i laughed at the faces kyleigh made while i was trying to see if i could put bows in the little bit of hair that she has. she totally wasn't entertained. the most memorable thing that occured today: laying on the couch just laughing until i cried at nothing but silliness with my husband. (is silliness even a word?) the best part of my day: waking up. something i look forward to tomorrow: meeting derek, kat and kail! hopefully. they will be coming in tomorrow and may or may not stop by here on their way to sonny and dawn's house. well, that's the end of the fill in the blanks. now onto the other guided journal that i can't ever seem to find motivation to do.

list all of your positive character traits. how do you disappear? how do you "check out"? finish the following sentence: "if i ever let myself completely go..." what might happen?

positive character traits...well...i'm very affectionate. i can be very cheerful. i am extremely caring. i try to be as generous as possible. i'm very forgiving. (well, that could also be a negative trait i suppose?) i try to be very encouraging to everyone around me. i listen very well. i can't think of anything else. onto me disappearing or "checking out". i try really hard not to "check out". i don't like to give myself time to think about things that are going on in my life. whenver i do, i always just end up stressing myself out. i tend to think about things that i need to do and things i can't get done. i very rarely "check out" just to relax. well, i take that back. i relaxed today while i laid out by the pool. i don't think i can say that i ever truly "check out". there are constantly things flowing through my head; things i want to do, things i need to do, things i don't think i'll ever accomplish, etc. "if i ever completely let myself go...i don't think i'd be satisfied with where i'd end up." i think if i ever completely let myself go, i'd drift off to thoughts that only depress/stress me. i'm afraid to let down my barrier. even with myself. something is wrong with that picture. i've never thought about it before. but, i suppose that's the purpose of this exercise.

i want a house. i am tired of paying rent. i'm tired of us having to fork out all of this money when in a few months when our lease is up, we'll probably just move somewhere else. i'm tired of not having a place to truely call "home". we pay more in rent here than people we know buying houses. i want a house. i want a yard so i can get my diesel man back. i want to plant flowers. i want a big pretty tree with a birdhouse in it. i want a big porch with a swing. i want a playroom for kyleigh. i want a guest room. i want to decorate. i want to paint. i want to pull up in a driveway and be able to smile to myself and say "that's ours". i want a house. i want. i want to teach myself to stop wanting.

"life isn't about getting what you want, it's about wanting what you already have."

perks of living here in our apartment: we didn't have to worry about buying a fridge or a washer and dryer. we get free maintence. we don't have to worry about keeping up a yard. we can't paint, so we can't argue about what colors we want our walls to be, haha! we have a pool, a gym and a clubhouse.

i had an idea hit me today. i went to the pool to lay out and on my way back from the pool i saw a dog that i know from the animal hospital i used to work at, a lady went into an apartment and came out with him. i asked if that was the dog i thought it was and she said yes. she said that she walks him on her lunch break because his owner works far away and can't come home to do it. i played with him for a little bit and then went on my way. thinking about what she said made an idea pop up in my head. there are a lot of people that live in these apartments that have animals. i want to post a flyer or something offering to walk their dogs or clean their animals' cages while they're at work. kyleigh can come with me while i walk dogs; she'll get some healthy sunshine and i'll get exercise. it will satisfy my want to have an animal. it will be convinient for other people. i can make money without even having to leave here! the animal hospital i used to work at charged $16.50 (i think) per day for day boarding - that was over a year ago so i'm sure their rates have gone up, probably to about $20/day. so i figure, if i can get at least one person to call me and ask me to take care of their dog during the day mon-fri i could charge like $10-$15/day and i'd make at least $50-$75 a week! it may just be wishful thinking, but right now it seems like a great idea! i could even take care of their animals if they ever have to go out of town. that way their animal won't have to be stressed out about being in a new environment without their owner. lame?

umm, i think i'll stop here. haha!

"...she's everything i've ever wanted, and she's everything i need. i talk about her, i go on and on and on cause she's everything to me..."

just a quick start

so i am very new to this blogging thing. i am going to try my hardest to update it daily, but will probably only update weekly. or monthly. haha. i am a new mom still trying to adjust to my new life. i am having a hard time adjusting my sleep schedule to a newborn and a husband working nights, but i wouldn't trade it for anything! my daughter, kyleigh, was born april 26 and will already be a month old tomorrow! i still can't believe it! my husband, charles, is in the USAF. i, lauren, am a stay at home mom. being a military family has many perks, but many downfalls as well - as i'm learning. my grandpa was in the navy, but i was too young to know anything. my uncle was also in the navy and i remember him deploying and such, but i've never had to live it firsthand. my step dad is also navy, but he was already retired when he swooned my mom. luckily, there is a very slim chance that charles will ever deploy. i am 20 years old and wouldn't trade my life for anything. i tend to go way off tangent while i'm putting my thoughts down and fail at telling stories because of it. i have a problem of thinking of something and making a statement about something that has NOTHING to do with the subject of a conversation i'm involved in; i've learned that i get it from my mom. i have so much that i want to blog about, but have no clue where to start. i do want to request LOTS of feedback because i have a feeling i'm going to need LOTS of help and advice with this new parenting and also because i know feedback will keep me motivated to continue blogging. as for now, i am going to take a look around and try to figure this website out...